CAN YOU SCREAM WITH WRITING

To scream via Text. Is is possible.
Does it count as yelling when ALL THE LETTERS ARE CAPITAL LETTERS. WHY DOES THAT AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME SHOUTING.

Screaming is an auditory release, non-transferrable to the written word, except by the word itself. I doubt people read "screaming" as anything besides a scream.

So no. You can't get out your tension electronically with loud noises.

But you can get out your tension electronically with real messages.
How very therapeutic writing can be...

things to say.

I talk a lot.

Well, when I'm *comfortable*, I talk a lot.

I know that it bothers some people, and I'm sure that oftentimes I'm annoying. But I usually speak for a purpose.

Well, maybe that's not true.

I speak when I feel the urge to speak. Sometimes, that leads to gibberish tumbling out of my lips and down my chin, dribbling away like melting ice cream. Sometimes, I actually do have pearls of wisdom that are helpful and insightful. Sometimes, I speak to joke. I speak to laugh. I speak to cause other's laughter.

Well, not often enough.

I find myself speaking negatively lately. Not with a sad tone, mind-- just with almost depressing words and phrases. I find myself being lost and therefore, my words become lost. Sitting alone in my car recently, I find myself unable to describe what I am.

Well, who I am.

I am unable to create the words, or even the feelings, behind what I am. How to feel and know what I am to do when I don't know what I am. Or who I am. Or what I want.

Well, not all of what I want.

I want too much. I want everything. The problem being, not every material good. I want EVERYTHING. I want to...... everything.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my hair.
and my music
I am thankful for the breeze and the rain. The stars and the leaves. I am thankful for how much green is in the world. I am thankful for deep breaths of fresh air
I am thankful for language and words,
and long walks in the moonlight.
I am thankful for my dinners and my drinks. I am thankful for my truffles-- and my talent to make them

I am thankful for my mother. I am thankful for her optimism and love. I am thankful that my mother is an angel.
I am thankful for my father. I am thankful for his strength and stubbornness. I am thankful that my father is a protector, both of me and of our country.
I am thankful for my older brother. I am thankful for his humor, mirth, and smarts (even if it does get in the way of calm conversation). I am thankful that my brother is an intellectual.
I am thankful for my younger brother. I am thankful for his heart and his quietness. I am thankful that my brother is a sweetheart mechanic.

I am thankful for my country and my crafts.
I am thankful for crocheting, and knitting, and ukuleles and ocarinas, and paint and pencils and markers and crayons, and clay.
I am thankful for inspiration.
I am thankful for my mind and my thoughts. My creativity and view of religion.
I am thankful for my friends, for their support and laughter.
I am thankful for the internet and ease of information-gathering
and information-sharing.

I am thankful for zombies and the plans that follow.
I am thankful for you, dear readers-- whoever you may be.

I am thankful for bear-hats and stuffed unicorns. I am thankful for pictures and memories, snow and hail, sun and the atmosphere. I am thankful for dandelions and calla lillies.

I am thankful for the man who holds my heart. I am thankful for his love and his own open heart. I am thankful for his consideration and compassion. I am thankful for his green eyes and his soft hair. I am thankful for the safety I feel in his arms. I am thankful that I make him feel just as safe. I am thankful that I get to be his big-spoon. I am thankful for his jokes and teases, his touch and his laughter, his love of the world, even when he thinks he doesn't love everyone.  I am thankful for the way he sees me for what I am, flaws and all, and still thinks I'm the one he wants to be with forever.

I am thankful for who and where and what I am.

THANK YOU.

Eureka time-- my job has helped me realize a thing or two.

There are things in my life I cannot, will not, shall not EVER control. So, let it go. Don't get stressed about technology failing or other people being upset. It's just not worth getting angry about things that I can't fix.

Good day.
I'm gonna have more of these.

I've already decided.

does a brain make reality?

It's astonishing how quickly things change. With one moment of shifting thoughts, the reality of the thing is now questionable.

The functionality of a situation, where one second is perfection, becomes fallible and unsatisfactory. And with this recognition, regardless of whether it is a facade or truth, the mind is poisoned. The disease spreads just as a drip of dye in water spreads out, clouding fascinatingly, fears and doubts spreading with astonishing grace.

It infects the gaze. The windows to the soul. It creeps in, little by little, seeming to not exist sometimes. But it lingers in the corner of the expression-- that lonesome yet absent look.

that's the symptom of a human brain breaking down it's host from the inside out.

Inspiration

is like a little blood-fish.

Smooth and very quick to get away. Shiny and something alive, living in you, in your blood, in your veins, swimming through your heart and head.

It's hard to catch, and slippery to boot. But once caught, it glimmers with a deep, rich color of yourself. The color of your own beautiful truth and clarification.

and is quick to die when not taken care of.

So, when you're at a mental road-block, find what attracts your blood-fish to the surface.



Here's one of my favorite sites and their opinion.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things

I am crazy

My mind breaks down sometimes, in the middle of a sentence, or conversation. Sometimes even in the middle of a word.

I am crazy.

I can't control my mouth, or hands or my feet sometimes. They just seem to run away with me.

I am crazy.

I say so many things, things I wish I could take back. But it is the way of language that it is un-take-back-able. When you say a thing, it has been said. There is no way around or back from it. Therefore, I try to watch everything I say to people. But sometimes things still slip out, when

I am crazy.

Or, sometimes, when the crazy is me.

mental tendencies

I've always been a bigger girl. My boobs came in in 6th grade and that wasn't just cause I hit puberty super hard. I just liked food. It was a nice comfort-- course it didn't hurt that I was unaware of my gluten intolerance then and my mother is an AMAZING Southern cook.

We always had little deliciousities around the house. And our dinners? Oh, don't get me started.

Now, sometimes, I find myself unable to eat an apple without a moment of nausea. I'm not now a skinny girl, nor have I ever (purposefully) developed an eating disorder. (The first sixth months of my Celiac lifestyle, I was unaware of the problem and vomited a couple times a day, so technically.... bulimic, but I don't count it.)

I find it interesting how just a shift in thought so strongly controls your bodily reactions. Just one person walking into a room, one person that you don't like, can make you clumsy and rude. This is a mind game. A game that our minds like to play with us.

I'm a rather strong believer of one's mind, body, and spirit as different entities-- and the mind is definitely the bully. Funny thing about bullies....

They often stop once they are confronted.

So, go about confronting yourself. Stop the bad thoughts rolling around inside that head of yours.
And try to feel a smile. It'll make you feel better.

Election Day

I awoke to a text this morning from a person very close to me trying to sway my vote.On election day... 

Because of this, I give zero craps about what choice you are making--

 Just make a choice and stand up for YOUR beliefs. Don't let anyone take that away. You are a citizen of the United States of America, and WE stand for freedom and equality.

 Utilize your rights.

Crying

The moment it begins

prickling skin

lump near uvula

itchy nose

shaky hands

watery eyes

In the midst

shoulders shaky

nose watery

lungs prickling

eyes itchy

lump near heart

Aftermath

shaky breaths

itchy scalp

watery cheeks

prickling thoughts

lump in throat

My bosses

are a happily married gay couple. They are some of the nicest guys I've ever met, bar none.

And I'm lucky enough to work as their employee. it's beautiful to see them work in the same office-- so many heterosexual couples would be unable to do such a thing, and yet this pair of men make it look easy.

No, even more so. They make it look FUN. They enjoy spending time together and when they have complications or issues at work, they bond over them, often with laughter, instead of being at each other's throats.

I am so inspired by the way they speak to each other. And I can see the moments when something might go wrong, and these maestros change the tune to safer stomping grounds. Especially lately, I very much appreciate their ability to not allow their significant other to "get in their head" and cause stupid, pointless arguments.

It's so easy to hurt those closest to you, especially if they are emotional. Keep in mind your words.

Mind your tone all the more.