diddling with rhymes and an eco-friendly message

I wanna make a difference and change the world

but I feel so small and in my bed, I'm curled, 

hoping things get better, with my help or without;

I'd like to think I'm a part, but I'm riddled with doubt.

And it's one of those things that you keep persevering,

knowing your tasks and over challenges, domineering.

Take control and change what's needling,

cause if we don't, who will stop the bleeding?

The blood of our formers, 

and oceans and trees

lies on all our hands

and covers our feets.

If we don't maintain, 

they'll be lost from time, 

along with ourselves--

reach the end of our line.

make sure

you don't burn bridges from your end. leave your end intact.

then, when those you care about who care about you decide to recover your relationship--

you're still there.

it feels good to rekindle. I love my brothers.

thoroughly frightened

I've been searching for terrifying stories all day long.

I love to be scared.

I feel I am rarely scared in life. I don't have the 'flight' response. I don't get nervous and the desire to leave.

That's why I like horror movies and stories. They force a 'flight' response because it's not possible to 'fight' something that doesn't exist.

my "time"

Warning-- if you don't like to think about nature as it pertains to a woman's ability to create life, do NOT continue reading. If you don't like thinking about a lot of blood, you really should navigate away.

That being said, here is my world once a month.


When I go to the bathroom during my natural cycle (I'm running out of classy ways to refer to this hellacious idea), the first thing evident is pain. LOTS of pain. It feels like my whole stomach is trying to take a dump while my actual stomach is trying to take a dump. So just imagine being all constipated, but also having diarrhea at the same time. Yup.

The next thing I notice, in the cleaning up afterwards, is a bowl full of blood. It reminds me of Titus. I feel as though I am making a sacrifice to the feminine gods. Of porcelain. It's like I've killed and drained a little being and am using the essence of it's life to recharge myself.


I feel both disgusting and utterly magickal.

It's very confusing and uncomfortable.


Hooray for being a lady!!! Here's to hoping I don't ruin any clothes this month....

life-long songs

A sister of mine showed me this website today:

http://traubeck.com/years/

This artist has created a record player that has the capability to play wooden records. Which means that this player can literally vocalize the rings of wood that symbolize a tree's life.

The sound is haunting and melodic--inspirational and timely--slow and steady.

It sounds like a tree. It sounds like a tree growing and the years passing through the branches. It sounds like what I would imagine a tree's voice sounds like, if a tree were to speak in piano.

But that's all we as humans can appreciate. The music is created by the years of wear and tear on the living being--the years of storms and wind and drought. We cannot begin to understand the life-long musical arrangements that happen with everyone and everything alive. We create our own stories and albums in our lives, but cannot record a whole life.

This is such a beautiful way to sense a life without viewing or smelling it. or touching it. It is the most complete way I have ever heard life explained-- long parts of sturdy quiet and short bursts of activity.

If you're a "reader" of mine, you already know how I adore nature. Trees are the penultimate nature force to me. I love the ocean and the seas and the rivers, for water is life, but trees...

Well, trees are magical. Have been around since magic was rampant and will be around until it is rampant again.

I love listening to trees. And this tree-music is no exception.

it hurts us

stabbing shooting pain
doubled over
it feels like i'm trying to turn inside out

dizzy
drinking water
lots of liquid
i wish i could eat everything
if my stomach is digesting, it hurts less
but i shouldn't
i'm not even hungry

curl up in the fetal position and go to sleep
not today

well


not until late tonight


ugh. being a lady sucks sometimes.

care for others and edit

words, once out, are never retrieved

cannot be returned
cannot be forgotten

something, once created, must exist
even if destroyed
exists in it's destruction




editing is important
make sure what is said is MEANT, not FELT
for emotions can be fleeting

Do not choose

to push people while they are down.

If someone is sad, help them up.

Build them tall.

Make them strong.

Do not talk to them about how "life is hard" and "everyone is sad".



You have no idea what they are going through.

Or how "hard" their life is.

Or how "sad" they may be.


And don't make it about your problems. For goodness' sake, don't make the mistake of assuming that your issues are worse than theirs. Even if that is true, it just makes them feel all the more pathetic

Do not compare. Simply try to uplift.

darkness is a gift

I was watching television yesterday and one of my favorite shows is an alcohol-tasting/touring show. They were going around to wineries, in this episode, and they brought to mind something that I had heard of but had never really resonated with me before. 

The stress which a grape vine is put through is directly equivalent to the value and taste of the wine. If there is a lot of stress, the wine is diverse and robust. If the plant grows simply, the flavor is simple.

All the struggles we are given are not to test us-- they are to be seen as a challenge instead of a wall.

If you never accomplish, you never succeed. 

Regardless of money.

Or title. 

If you don't work, you will not be anyone of merit. 

Or value.

You'll be a rich little lump on a log.

Simple. Boring. And average.

But struggle. Really pick something hard to work through, and you will find out a lot about yourself. A lot about the world. 

You'll build character. 

Become interesting. 

Become diverse and robust. 

Choose the hard way out. Choose the darkness. 

The key is to revel in the darkness. See it as a gift.There is just so much to find.

adages

"life is hard"

a cliche little saying that people use often.

but does life actually have to be hard? or do we ourselves make it hard?

by failing to assist those who need help

or not asking.


I feel like the adage should be "life is exciting" and we should all do our part to make that true.

I AM AN ARTIST

The one statement that resounds truthfully inside my little body.

I don't care about money.
Or time.
Or effort.
I care about results.

I don't care about politics.
Or religion.
Or humans.
I care about truth.

I don't care about society.
Or stereotypes.
Or differences.
I care about love.

I CARE ABOUT ART. Art is truth. Because truth is different to everyone. Because we are different from anyone else. Because we are all perfect how we are and contribute perfectly.

I AM AN ARTIST.

Time

Life is short. And we don't discover this until we are nearing the end, if we are lucky. For some, the end just sneaks right up on them, cutting their already-moments-in-the-frame-of-existence into mere heartbeats.

And yet so much time is wasted on meaningless ventures. Or pointless hopes. Or tasks which we assign ourselves that don't further anything but the imagined value-ers created by humans (money, age, technology....)

So yes, I would like to imagine that reincarnation is a thing.

I would like to think that we are able to continue existing and learning throughout forever.

I want to continue growing and improving for the rest of everdom and if I'm sitting around in the afterlife, I find that impossible to do. Everyone says that heaven is perfection---how utterly boring.

Perfection means there is nothing to accomplish.
Nothing to work towards.
Everything has been created and attained and now it's all about just enjoying that "perfection".

I say nay.

I love creating and making and growing and being. I never want to exist in a state of stasis, even if that pause is supposed to be perfect. I didn't work to attain that perfection, so I can't even be proud of it.

Heaven for me would be an endless and all-incorporating task of improvement and creation with no stress about money or deadlines.

So, basically, art without the added stressors.

I am an odd one

I think about the world as related to me, but consider problems as though I never was.

As though mentality is overall good-natured and has no skewed interpretations of humanity about it.

I wish I could make the changes I see are needed. I wish I could inspire the love I know is necessary

for our growth
for our recovery
for our survival

And yet the way I hope to do that is by living my life, continuing to love and attempting to take care of the beings in my surroundings. I don't attack the grand problems. I don't feed all the hungry, or peace all the wars. I don't clothe all the freezing, or comfort all the depressed.

However, the few I do show care for are that many less.

I will continue to pour out what I think should be given to the world.

If enough of us do this, we will eventually off-set the imbalance and force a time of happi-and-healthiness.

viva la revolution.

Personal pride

comes when a person has performed to an extent which they believe to be impressive--either by their own standards or by society's.

Therefore, pride means many different things to many different people.

To me, I grow better and smarter every day. I know I will never reach perfect (and probably won't even get close), but through improving, I am proud.

I am happy to judge myself by my own strict standards and find myself succeeding.

I am proud of who I am and who I am working to become.

I am proud of who I leave behind, daily, because she is what made me the person I become, daily.

I am proud.


It feels very good to say that.

Water: A lifeforce

I enjoy thinking about the importance of water.

Firstly, it is my favorite element. Versatile, beautiful, and magical.
Secondly, it makes me feel better.

And this second point inspires my writing today: a car cannot be expected to perform it's necessary actions without proper maintenance. Without gas, the car cannot start or move. Without oil, the engine burns itself up quickly.

Water seems to me to be like the oil of our body-machines. It is the miracle-cure for achey joints, and cramped muscles. It smooths a headache and soothes a stomachache. It eases hunger and digestion. If I don't drink enough water, my body-machine doesn't perform correctly.


Gimme that H20.

craving

I'd like to go and disappear into the dark.

Ignore the chores
Forget my foes

Pretend to have no worries or cares
or concerns or expectations
or perceptions or stereotypes

To exist just for existing's sake.
To enjoy myself for the sheer joy of being myself.

i crave that darkness.

companion

I love living things. All living things.

Except mosquitos. I really hate those evil beings.

Aside from that, I adore (or at least appreciate/respect) all other living things.

There are a lot of dogs in our house right now. An old man-dog (completely salt and peppered coat), a skittish middle-age-crisis man-dog (a hound dog who's nose is a detriment to his indoor life), a beautiful young man-dog (the prettiest eyes I ever did see on a chocolate lab), and a very young girl-puppy (the little pitt-australian shepherd is a lover). There are also a lot of cats. An old man-cat (balding on his tail), a grumpy young-adult kitty (a beautiful mixed-Russian Blue, too smart for her own good), and two little black mutant lady-kitties (one a little tubmeister and the other plays fetch with yarn).

And I playfully push for a snake. Looking at different kinds today, browsing through pictures, I can't kick the shivers that run down my spine. Their sheer beauty takes my breath away. The way they glide as though they're always in water. The way they lay, motionless, never a wasted movement.

The way they crawl up on my chest and fall delightfully asleep against the heat escaping my body.

Other animals don't connect the way a snake does. I think it's because not everyone likes snakes.
And snakes know that. And they like/respect whoever chooses to like/respect them.

I love snakes.

I also think a piglet would be adorable.
Or a frog.
Or a lizard.

I guess I'm really not picky. Just want awesome friends.

Appetite

Appetite is a descriptive word for
what we need in life.

Appetite for food. for company. for sleep. for art. for sex.

Or appetite suppression. People feel the need to deny themselves things that they crave.

But maybe it's not crave. Maybe it's need.

Appetite implies that there is a stopping point. This is where I believe people confuse "want" and "need". We want a bite of chocolate (which means our body is craving and needing something that is inside of that chocolate) and we satisfy this by eating an entire quarter of chocolate cake. The key is to find where we are satiated.

Where we feel satisfied.