Onward and upward

It's a daily struggle, being alive.

Everyone knows what I mean, for we all have our own issues and difficulties, trials and tribulations. However, the hardest of all these challenges is staying happy and positive despite and in spite of all poor circumstances. But push upward. Push onward. Push higher.

Be better.

Sounds like a lofty goal, but when you get right down to it, it's the only thing that will matter tomorrow,
or the next day,

or the next day,


or the next day.

To quote a wise, old, green man--"Do or do not. There is no try."

Day in after a day out

Spent hours upon hours yesterday at the river, in the sunshine.

Got a pretty red coat for my efforts, too. Interesting how being sunburnt causes shivers as well as sweats. It's almost like having a fever, but it only affects the uppermost layers of skin...
Skin fever. How accurate.

The sky was all blue with nary a cloud in sight and the sun shone bright on us all, gallivanting in the green current up to our waists. The water was breathtakingly chilly, but once our body parts were numb, it mattered but little. The sun inspiring music and dance, drinking and smoke, dragonfruit and strawberries.

Banged a knee and carried lbs of ice back to the car before relaxing at home with the other half of my heart.

What a beautiful day it was, and I have the soreness as proof.

my work

I work hard.

I work extremely hard for the things in which I believe. 

I refuse to give up. I refuse to accept mediocre. What is the point of creating something new if I'm just going to settle on middle-of-the-road?

Any payback would be nice. Any pay-forward would be nice.

Hell, recognition would be nice.

I won't hold my breath.

I'll keep arting.

trusting and loss

I've always had friends. Before I had human friends, I had my darling puppies. And books. I've always had books.

Recently, I've not the time to indulge in the delicious practice of reading. I also have cats--which are beautiful creatures that I love, to be certain, but I feel more like their maid than their friend. And human friends.....

Well, I don't see any of them anymore. I'm sure it's my fault, cause I don't call people enough and I don't have a lot of free time now or whatnot. But I feel... not abandoned, but like I'm not valuable. Like who I am doesn't matter.

I find myself not wanting friends because I am not afraid of not being supported by friendship. I find myself seeking any way out of the relationship, so that I don't start trusting and depending on a person. People are fallible. If in the end of it all, I'm the only one that I can be sure will help me..... Well, I guess that's it, isn't it? I've got it in my head that I'm the only one I can depend on.

Jeez. I hope the world (and I) can change that opinion instead of cementing it further.

A way with words

I have a way with words.

When I say 'way'
I mean more a relationship
and less like I control them.

Thats why I love
to act
to sing
to speak
and to write.

I enjoy the way the words twist and pull
the pick-ups
and let-downs
of letters and sounds.

Written or audible,
words mean much to me;
the pauses just as critical
as the words they're between.

So I keep spinning my verbal yarns
til my brain is kaput
and my breath is all gone.
With a bit of return,
maybe pride will I don,
and feel truly accomplished,
proving to all (and myself) of my charm.

holding my breath

I find myself holding my breath and hoping HARD today.

Which is odd, because I thought I was separating from this... at least for a little while.

But in speaking to my helping-half, I noticed I don't need to take a break from acting/arting/theatre, but I do need a break from projects that don't speak to my heart.

I'm done doing things for other people. And done working with just anyone for anything.

I have other things in my life--if I don't get into shows, I have plenty to keep my time full.

If I do get into shows.... Well, hit me, because I'm ready to continue growing.

Stop apologizing

happiness is a tenuous goal.

it's a hard thing for which to strive
and it is a hard thing for whom to describe.

do you know what makes you happy?
do you look for it and charge towards it
and not let anything stand in your way?
do you apologize for your journey?

STAND UP.
Time is passing quickly and quicker. And you'll never get a single moment back.
So strive for your life-goals. Make the world a better place.
Choose to be happy and let none stand in your way.

but if you feel down, that's okay too.
and let no one put you down further for that.