The darker side

As I sit outside on this beautiful overcast day,  I ponder my very existence and recall memories.
As a child, I always loved the villains. Even if frightening,  I found their stories and personalities intriguing,  their style enviable,  and their power delicious. I find in myself as I age, that I have a tendency towards 'evil'. An ease of lying,  deceitfulness, bullying, often even subconsciously.  Now whether this is naturally part of me, or I've learned as a defensive technique,  it is hard to say.  A bit of both,  if I had to answer.

While still something I feel shame towards,  I take pride in not shying away from my darkness. I know it sets me apart, causes me to feel alone; but I can also sense that power. I feel it.

I fight to be good.  And I try to be kind.  But that automatic reaction of "FUCK OFF" never really goes away.


So.  I remind myself of this:
Everything we do matters. Good or bad,  right or wrong.

It does matter.