Every day at around 2:30 pm, my self confidence is shot.
I can't explain why, or how that relative time correlates to my feelings of insecurity and pointlessness.
I beg for this feeling to be tied only to my occupation. That this daily dip in emotion will cease when this data-processing hell is over.
But I fear
more.
I fear that this urge is tied to a unique intelligence which I have tirelessly fought to create. I choose my mental building materials very carefully and my art even more so. But this makes me wonder if I don't feel pointless as me, but I feel everything else is pointless and why do I even fight for a point? Why should I fight for one single thing when it seems nothing else does?
Everything else moves by money--is it stupid and pointless of me to hate money? Is it stupid and pointless of me to fight for a spiritual world of wholeness while trapped in a physical realm of greed? Is it stupid and pointless of me to struggle and hurt and cry for my art?
Doses of deep thought.
Perhaps that's what makes me feel unimportant.'Cause, once I go to think about everything, I seem like a pretty small nothing.
.....hm. I personally prefer thoughts with valleys and mountains over stability with shallow thinking.
So I will learn how to constructively pass through the valleys.
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