what a wide thing

the world is. 

Such an expanse of beauty and difference. 

Colors exist naturally that we cannot perceive. 

Our common world changes as we grow taller or cease to grow as tall as others. Different points of view show different strains of gorgeousity. 

Maybe a tower surrounded by fluffy clouds connected by slender columns from a ladybug's perspective.

Perhaps a fluffy bit of dinner to a rabbit's eye.

Simply a blown-open dandelion to the untrained human.

A tiny world perhaps containing things akin to Dr. Suess' "Who"s in Whoville to an imaginer.

Our world is everything and can be anything.

Just dream it up.

Motivation

is self sustained.

Motivation, determination, inspiration.

All of these things are inside our hearts and can only grow through our own effort to encourage growth.

Every day that you have lived is a day under your belt.
Is an achievement that you have accomplished.
Is a battle that you have survived.

Even if the battle was purely within.

Especially if the battle was purely within.

Search for what makes you proud of yourself.
Find it and do it.
And be proud of what you've done. Even if it fails, you've correctly learned how not to do it.

No one can change the world in a day, but if you're working towards making it better--you're already ahead of most people.

Depression is a vicious villain who will steal your hope.
Be proud that you fight to overcome it.
Be proud that you have days where it can't touch you.
And be proud that you continue to live.

reconnect from disconnect

A choice to be happy is a choice to be Happy.

I often marvel at the human mind. The most amazing part to me is that whatever we completely and successfully convince ourselves to believe is true in our world. Those with mental instabilities usually end up seeing the world in their own completely different way. Seeing things that don't physically exist, but definitely exist within the realms of the world in which it was created.

So happiness, then, is a construct of our own minds. Sometimes, its easier to simply be happy and sometimes we have to actively participate in convincing ourselves of happiness.

Reconnecting feels good and allows that happiness to be effortless.

And next month is ab/core month.

Working out feels good too. Run from the zombies. Makes me too tired to be mad about silly things.

Life is good and happiness is always there, an Easter egg hunt that never ends.

fond paradise memories

I remember starting high school.

The uniforms that made us look like Sailor Moon rejects.
The open-aired three-story building, shaped almost like an 8-bit snake.
The below-ground library that I read so much from that the librarians began *giving* me books.
The birth of my love of theatre and intelligence.

The butt-tree, and the whole weird group beneath it.

Hawai'i holds such beautiful memories for me, and I've been so desirous to return that it makes me homesick.
Silly--I'm more homesick for the islands than I am for Georgia, the state in which I was actually born.

But my family of ladies helped make me into the odd, hilarious, smart-assed woman I am now and if I could attend our high school reunion just for the sake of re-kindling that friendship, I would.

One friend that I still keep in contact with--a gorgeous woman with a handsome husband and an absolutely precious little boy-- inspires me daily and makes me proud to call her a friend. From the first day I met her, I remember her huge heart. Her ability to listen. And her amazing advice. I'm blessed to have a friend who still inspires me so.

Someday, I'll get back to Oahu. And when I do, I'm hitting that chick up.

the Return of my Voice

On my drive in to work this morning, I was singing at the top of my lungs, rocking out to my radio as I am wont to do.

And this morning I've had more range and strength than I've had in at least a couple of years.
Which made me so happy I began to cry.

Goodbye, cigarettes. On the way to cleansing my body entirely of ya.
Goodbye, excess amount of garbage and waste.
Goodbye, chemicals in my food.

Hello to an Alexis who is as natural and green as possible.

GREEN!!

Water

is the key to absolutely everything.

It is the key to all life, it is the key to all destruction (if taken down to the very core of it). After all, we, as humans are *supposed* to be about 50-60% water. Which is either half or more than half.

Most plants are up to 75% water. I don't believe I need to go into how much water is naturally occuring on practically every surface of the planet Earth, even if terribly far below ground.

My horoscope is Cancer (yes, I do follow the horoscope pre-Ophiuchus. if that works for you, great. it doesn't work for me--I am absolutely Cancer to the r), which is often referred to as the cardinal water sign. I always love being in water. Swimming is one of my favorite pasttimes. Or, floating more like. Or diving. I love showering. And recently, I've begun to truly appreciate the joy of a big glass of water. It's rejuvenating. A little disorienting, if the gulp is particularly large, but in a good way.

Kind of like standing up once you've had a biteen too much champagne in your seat. A heady rush of blood and oxygen. Almost like too many good things at once flooding your senses.

Water is controlled by the moon, tying the very element into the stars and everlasting space.

It is just so truly astonishing how much water heals. Head aches? Water. Stomach hurts? Water. Sore muscles, menstrual cramps, hangover? WATER.

And recently, an idea called the "Water Diet."
It seems to basically consist of drinking a large amount of water in addition to your meals and at particular peak times of the day. Not only does this help to lose weight, the diet claims, but some also claim to cure an absurd list of diseases.

What an altogether simple healing process.

What an idea. and not at all surprising to me.

making every moment count

It feels good to be constructive. 

It's almost like I've forgotten how to do so. 

When I have a spare second of free time, I want to rest and relax. Let the weight of my world off of my chest for mere moments before the time is gone before I have to rush onward to the next activity. 

I think I'm going to work on limiting the amount of relaxation time. 

I just have so much to accomplish

before this coil is done.

And not a moment to spare.

My cut-off

Every day at around 2:30 pm, my self confidence is shot.

I can't explain why, or how that relative time correlates to my feelings of insecurity and pointlessness.
I beg for this feeling to be tied only to my occupation. That this daily dip in emotion will cease when this data-processing hell is over.

But I fear
more.
I fear that this urge is tied to a unique intelligence which I have tirelessly fought to create. I choose my mental building materials very carefully and my art even more so. But this makes me wonder if I don't feel pointless as me, but I feel everything else is pointless and why do I even fight for a point? Why should I fight for one single thing when it seems nothing else does?

Everything else moves by money--is it stupid and pointless of me to hate money? Is it stupid and pointless of me to fight for a spiritual world of wholeness while trapped in a physical realm of greed? Is it stupid and pointless of me to struggle and hurt and cry for my art?

Doses of deep thought.

Perhaps that's what makes me feel unimportant.'Cause, once I go to think about everything, I seem like a pretty small nothing.

.....hm. I personally prefer thoughts with valleys and mountains over stability with shallow thinking.
So I will learn how to constructively pass through the valleys.

working for money

Sitting here
dazing out
and disappearing inside my mind.

Eyes unfocused
ears muffled
and my sense of touch is cloaked.

Doing something
that doesn't matter
for money.

Money.

It's imaginary. A fake ideal placed upon the "civilized" world to symbolize the physical wealth of a person. Do any of us have the gold/jewels/valuables to back up the paper money we have been so strenuous to collect?
NO.

Not even the country has the gold to back up all the paper money they continue to print.

Money is a fictitious idea created by human beings because we are unable to find wealth without placing a variable number upon it.

The best things in life are free for a reason.

support

Can you support another person
(emotionally, physically, spiritually, whathaveyou)
while feeling unsupported and ungrounded yourself?

I don't believe my own placement of my own being has anything to do with whether or not I can support another person in an efficient and effective way. I do believe that with a stronger base, one can give stronger support, but simply in lacking a strong base for oneself doesn't negate their ability to provide a strong support system.


To be supportive is to be strong. Perhaps people come by a strong base by being a strong support for others.

Humanity is far different from the rules and expectations that society has dictated.

Allergies--

the body's way of saying "let's move elsewhere"?

Just a thought.

You do yours, I'll do mine

I've had a bit of time to cool off.
I should say "work" off.

Today, my workout/squat challenge of 100 squats was demeaned by a co-worker who viewed my challenge. He made mention that I happened to follow quite a different technique to my squats and was going more straight up-and-down than he usually does. Less deep, too.


Okay. Working out is everyone's own thing. I have recently had two people who are not regularly working out individuals advise me about my work-out routine. I know I look out of shape, and I know that this whole working-out thing is pretty new for me,

but

how's about you keeping your comparisons to yourself.

I have a person I will ask questions of if I have questions.
I work out at my pace doing what I do.
You do the same.

I'll do mine.
You do yours.

And, by the way-- I did 200 hundred squats today. The second hundred were perfect form.

HEY THANKS!!

I've reached 1,000 pageviews! Whaaaaat?! I seriously didn't think that would happen so soon. I knew that I liked to write, and trying to get it out is wonderfully exhilarating. I also believe this is improving my writing skills...

Anyways, I've a good base of fans around the world, actually (believe it or not). And I want to say that the fact that you read and return at a later date, or even just read and it causes you to think a little bit more about humanity or yourself or your friends or your enemies.... whatever. The fact that my brain is appreciated by all you guys who choose to spend a bit of time with me via my blog is truly flattering.

You guys... D'awwwww. ^-^ You're simply the best!!

Workouts

On day 7 of the 30-day squat challenge. 80 squats today. An effort to tighten the tush.

As well as my squats, I am putting a crossfit workout in there. Needless to say...

I'm very sore.

I've also found that I create hellacious workouts for myself. They don't sound like much when you read them in words, but I can tell you right now that the work multiplies in the middle of the reps.

Today, I'm doing a workout I didn't make for myself, but it is a benchmark workout, so lets see how strong I am.

Helen, here I come.

The trick

to surviving is to want to continue living.

You have to remember that, no matter how bad things get, they will swing on the up and up. That the simple and pure desire to laugh again (as humans, anyways) is stronger than the need to be done with the drama and shit.

The want to spend happy time overcomes the want to not have to deal with sad times

The need for further interaction and love supersedes the need for rest

I gave myself a beard--

for this video. Can you spy me at the end? :)

Also, donate money, if you can. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE.

Help make art happen, even if you yourself aren't an artist, per se.

LONESOME WEST--Kickstarter

Only 15 days left and we need all the help we can get. Every donation helps.
THANKS from every facet of my heart.

while listening to instrumentals

A moment to let my mind rest
and sleep

Instruments are, arguably, the greatest invention humankind has ever created.
Fire is natural, so I don't count it.

And wheels? I'd rather have a couple bongo drums than a wheel.
Technology? Nah, give me my uke.

Books....Ah. Now that is different... But again, mostly natural. So does it count? I mean, storytelling is somehow built into humanity as it is--can we really consider the simple act of storing these pieces of human mind as a creation by humans? The stories are a creation, obviously, and books are beautiful in and of themselves. But is that because they are pretty? Or because their insides are gorgeous?

And, after all, aren't stories told through music, too?

Instruments, therefore, help us to keep our most human quality--the need to connect.

...what a stunning thing the brain is...

Show; don't tell

Show people they matter by doing things for them.
By doing things with them. By appreciating and reciprocating.

Speech matters not at all if actions don't support the words. Touching phrases and perfectly executed poems are just scribbles in the air if the intent behind them isn't solid.

Mean what you say, but that's not enough. DO what you say.

So either say what you want and then back it up with your actions,
or don't let your mouth run away with itself.

my words

all day
i've been struggling for something to say
writing doesn't usually come to me
this difficult-ly

so i won't force
or prod
or poke the words out

instead i'll wander
and meander
and let them find their way out

for they'll fall where they might
and they'll fall where they will
and every single sound
has lost all it's ill

on the up and up
at least it's not sad
so maybe it means almost nothing
but at least it's something