Stage presence

I fear that the passion to create art with body and voice is being superseded by the superficial ideas of what being on-stage means. And that leaves me to agree and get on-board with what contemporary society dictates of theatrical art, or to leave society's cares behind and find my worth again.

Theatre, in my opinion, is supposed to be about honesty and understanding. Listening and caring. It is such a challenge to find this now.

I desire for it to be evident in my presence.

I bet you can guess the title of this one...

Tomorrow, I'll be able to breathe when I wake up.
Tomorrow, I won't be angry at the world for its faults.
Tomorrow, I won't hate myself for mine.

Tomorrow, I'll treat people like they should be treated.
Tomorrow, I'll make more people laugh.
Tomorrow, I'll try to be happier.

Tomorrow, I won't let my heart sink into my stomach.
Tomorrow, I won't be bothered by demons.
Tomorrow, I'll stop lying to myself.

Tomorrow,
Tomorrow,
tomorrow.

Milky Way

I

want to smoke the stars
and drink the moon
want to dance with the ocean
and swim through the fire
want to dine on the earth
and snort the clouds

I
want to overdose
on the magic
around me
at night

I want to die with the taste of the galaxy on my tongue.

A run-on sentence

It's a worry
a fear
a thought that sticks
in your head
your mind
your mental (in)stability
it's still reeling
still wrecking
still making you something
in a kind of disgust
a kind of sadness
a kind of depression of heart
for you wonder
you ponder
you dream of possibilities
ones that sweep
that creep
that steal you someway
for a while
a time
a heartbeat of life
one that passes
that flies
that disappears

into nothing.

creation battles our downfall

Self-esteem issues are a common theme in the current population. Maybe because it's easier to see one's own faults, and the populace at large is quite lazy. Maybe it's because the majority of us are terribly depressed and carrying on with the bare minimum of requirements to live. Perhaps it's because our faults really are too glaring to overlook.

Whatever the case, feeling valueless is detrimental to health.

Need to make. Need to place hands on. Need to learn.

We are stronger than the obstacles before us. If we allow a "job" to kill our spirit, it is showing a weakness that shouldn't/doesn't exist. If a person often present causes us to be less of anything, we are giving them a power over us. WE ARE STRONGER THAN OUR OBSTACLES. Believe that, and it's true.
Don't let things affect you. Encourage good to grow. Allow bad to pass.
Either way, make a choice. We are ourselves and the only leader of our lives.


Love people
and make beautiful things.

Acting

I'm blessed enough to begin yet another wonderful acting opportunity. Gifted with the part of Juliet in an aviary Romeo&Juliet production. Best part is--my best (girl) friend is playing Romeo.

The work is already a blast.

But it leads me to wonder, as I speak of and contemplate my newest character, if I ever actually act. I speak from such a place of realty and I personally try to tie my character into myself as much as possible. It's probably not healthy, but it is the most comfortable and authentic way for me to portray a real person in front of a subconsciously-judging audience.

This, in turn, begs the question of whether I can act at all, or if I simply play the same character over and over again--the character of Alexis--of myself. I am drawn away from this point simply because I have played many different types of people, ranging from a cokehead babysitter to the concerned sister of Antigone, from a reefer-minded zombie to a goofy-cutesy-moody clown in love. These couldn't possibly be all the same person-----

or maybe it could.

Perhaps I play this person, this woman, this Alexis, as if she/I were born into/lived through the necessary stipulations that would create the character. I feel this limits me while at the same time making a character that one would be hard-pressed to argue is unreal.

Perhaps I play all of the different people differently. And perhaps they all live inside of myself.
Perhaps this is why I feel most comfortable when I seek to be the character.

Perhaps this is why I love acting--all of my weaker voices get an outlet.

Better projecting out my mouth than echoing 'round my skull




I'd love to see you at my most recent accomplishment.

Romeo&Juliet, Glaser Center Santa Rosa
Mar-Apr 2013

Lost in notes

it's so easy to become lost.

Just to let loose the thoughts within the realm of the mind.
Just to let fly the fears and worries strangling the creativity.


find what speaks to you without words. find what speaks to you with only words. find what speaks to the thoughts in your mind that beg for release.
The ones that beg to be thought.
The ones that beg to be made.

for you have to find the things that you are to make. What use is a human mind if we don't utilize it?

Not many other animals create Intentional art.

my wish is to see this always put to better use.
art is the way to never stop learning.
so lets keep going.

onward.

Being alone with

my number one.

Today we went to the beach and it was something else. Just gorgeous. I went to take pictures, leaving my heart behind in the car and found this nifty little path leading closer to the cliff overlooking the raging surf.

I followed the trail and found a few cute little perches, as close as possible to the waves crashing on the outcropping rocks. The waves were huge--I felt like they could almost engulf me, if they only made the choice. Spreading my arms wide and breathing deeply.

What grand medicine.

I shall take these little moments to myself. And they do sustain me.
What a lucky being I am.

Spoiled

There is something to spoiling oneself.

It's the idea that only I know what I want and therefore can be the only person to provide what I need when I need. Normally, I put off my own spoiling of myself to take care of others, or provide for others, because being spoiled is a kind of selfishness.

I think I want to change my thinking.

I like to have little foodies prepared for me. I like to listen to calm music while I work. I like to sip on coffee or tea (perfectly prepared, or I won't drink it) almost consistently  If I don't have either of those beverages, I want water. Instead of being angry at how wholly unfair the world is, perhaps I should focus on the teensy little things that I can make fair for myself. Instead of waiting for someone to light candles in honor of me, perhaps I should put my own hands to work at lighting candles in honor of me. Other people don't have the time to spoil me.

The thing is that time is, as I've stated before, the one thing for which there is no refund. It feels like the ultimate selfishness to spend time on myself.

I think I want to change my thinking.

I see more cocoon-building, candle-lighting, and ukulele-chilling in my future.