It's been a while. But I have something I've been thinking about and unable to really come up with the words, so I am back.
Back to pour feelings into a keyboard. Back to see if I can make sense of it. Back to keep going, keep growing.
Growing up, I was told by everyone that I was beautiful. That I was intelligent, and witty, and competent. That I would be a catch, when I was old enough. That I would have to "be careful" because some people would only want "one thing" from me.
I have come to find out, this isn't true.
That I've become beautiful in a "put it on a shelf and never touch it" way.
I've become intelligent in a terrifying and intimidating way.
Become witty in a sarcastic, quick, take-no-shit way.
Competent in an "I don't need anyone" way.
These things together make me completely undesirable.
I was just trying to become a full person and, somehow, made myself untouchable.
"What a stupid thing to complain about..." I know. People love and appreciate me. My friends and teammates respect me. Even new acquaintances take a step back.
Sometimes.... I just want to feel sexy. I just want to feel like people desire me.
I just want to feel wanted.
Maybe saying something will help someone else feel not-so-alone? Anyways, thank YOU reader! For coming back after all this time. May you feel wanted, loved, appreciated, and respected.
