cold. so cold. for so long.
i can't remember anything besides the cold. there was once wind and sunshine. and something else. something magical for which i can't remember the name. floating specks of glimmer in the sky. they looked like gently falling stars and would settle like a blanket upon the ground. i remember that magic. i remember wanting nothing more than to swirl through the air, dancing in all the lights, a white faerie on the black curtain of nights.
i vaguely remember lights. everything is pale blue. glowing. not dark. well, not all the time dark. but never pinpricks or warm globes of light.
layers above me are sloughed off. the glowing gets brighter. i feel a kiss of breeze. a burst of cold wind greets me for the first time in i can't remember how long. and the sun. i feel it's rays reach into me and wrap around, filling me with the brilliant gold light.
and then i begin to slide. my fall gains momentum and i round a curve to see a massive expanse of blue and glitter. not quite as magical as the falling stars, but the sun dances small magic upon the surface. i slide down the surface, my back chilly against my frozen others, my front warm as it's blessed by the sun, and the expanse of blue becomes my whole vision as i reach closer to it and slip below it's surface.
i float. i've never had this experience. or, if i have, i do not remember. the ease of doing nothing and floating along the surface. i move not at all, and yet i am pulled, turned, twisted, and pushed by some imaginary strength. i can't withstand the force if i wanted to, but i am off for an adventure so i flow. beings below me live out dramas and comedies, murders and births, families and predators, a world of bubbles and breath. sometimes the beings are huge. i am swept through some of them, through flaps in their skin, or right in the mouth of the giant ones, before being burst out into the sky.
that's my favorite time. when i can fly in the air, touching nothing and no one else. but i fall again so quickly.
i try to stay around the big animals. i try to grasp my time in the sky. it's too dark and cold in the bottom, i have no urge to explore the depths. i've had enough dark and cold. i stay close to the surface and bask in the sunshine i can't get enough of.
and something begins to happen. i feel a pull, a tug, again, one that i cannot control or resist. this time i feel as though i am leaving what i am to be something else. i feel changed. i feel myself grow lighter and buoyant. then i begin to soar. i warm up considerably, separate and fly upwards, reveling in the change i've gone through, not sure where my next stop is.
and it grows cold again.others are gathered around, huddled closer for warmth. i pull myself together and listlessly float through the mist, kept so far aloft by a heavy grey cushion. i gaze around at my fellows, all beginning to crystallize.
as i observe, i also grow crystals. and grow heavy. and, with a whoosh of a gust of wind, the cushion opens up and my glimmering brethren are released into the dark night sky, stars seeming to twinkle all the way around us and off of us. slight breezes lift me high before letting me drop straight before picking me up and letting me swirl down.
i embrace my deepest desire and dance in the starlights.
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