The world kept spinning

and as she sat, alone and heaving breaths, she became lost in memories. Regrets surround her mind and sadness grows upon her heart like a fungus. She imagines a life-force pouring out of her fingertips, and she hastily uprights them, staring hard at her fingerprints, hoping to see the glimmer she pretended.

There was no glimmer.

She convinces herself this is because she was imagining her loss of life-force. It was an entirely internal manifestation, with no outward physical signs. But a small voice in the back of her brain, a tingling tinker she has never been able to silence, an irritating spark she can't ignore, tells her there is no glimmer because it is all gone. All of the shine from her soul is poured out and dissipated into the uncaring world.

And this little niggling secret caused her to cry. Great big crocodile tears, sliding down her face. She mentally traces each drop as it leaves a shining trail down her face, collecting on her chin before dripping off. She continues to cry, silently, letting everyone forget her.Wishing she could erase herself and everything she's left behind. All facets of her humanity, all creations from her imagination, all thoughts and ideas birthed from her mind.
If she has made herself this sad,

she doesn't deserve a life.
She doesn't deserve a legacy.
She doesn't deserve to be happy.

As she assaults herself with her harsh mental tones, her tears grow in intensity and she closes her eyes, succumbing to and drowning in her thoughts. Her mood deteriorates and she is left, no longer sitting, curled up in a ball, unable (or unwanting) to move.

And in this numbness, this intentional irrational rigor mortis, a pinprick of light appears in the pit of her being. The darkness and grey nothingness trembles noticeably as the light blossoms. A tiny melody begins, starting as only one instrument, a couple of weak notes. The light grows and with it, the song is strengthened, more sounds joining the uproarious gleefulness, the light now a star, then a sun.

She keeps her eyes closed, terrified of losing this paradise inside. She feels as though she wants to join in the celebration, dance and hum to the music, but she doesn't know what it is. What the next note is. How to dance with it. So she remains motionless, breathlessly desiring the feeling of her inner music.

The sun within explodes, glitter and magic everywhere.

And she has to open her eyes to let the brightness out.
And she has to sing, smiling, magic giving her the words of the song.
And she has to leap, arms outstretched, to let the glitter free from her fingers.

In this explosion, she begins to feel again. And she remembers-- her inner light never was for her. But to be given away freely.

For she can make her own light. And will, when trapped in the dark.